Yeah, so.... my obsession is not really waning and it's been nearly two weeks.

I have watched Jane Eyre every day (sometimes twice!) and am on the second reading of the book. Yes, I seem to have turned my little obsession into a full time job! 

It's a good thing I don't have kids because they would be starving.

I know.

I am geeking out over this.

Geeking out hard with embarassing fan-girlishness.

But I am just going with it.  I will let Mr. Rochester haunt me for as long as he wishes.

It's literature, after all!( originally published in 1847!) I have to say, it even surprises me how utterly helpless I am to resist it. But as I said, I am not protesting. I am allowing myself to be swept away.

 I can't wait till next week when I can send you over to Beth's new (established but renamed and revived) blog for which I did the design elements. (goes live next week, I believe) It came out so cute that I feel like I need redo my own blog asap! Not only is there cuteness over at her new home, but the archives include Beth's own fangirl obsessed posts from when she watched the original airing of Jane Eyre in 2006!

See? It's not just me!

>sigh<

Look at the gorgeousness of this cover:

I went out looking for a hardcover copy for myself the other day, as the one above belongs to the library. I couldn't find what I was looking for, so Stuart scoured ebay and found a lovely pair of hardbound books for me: Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights. They are on their way to me now!

A little more Jane-painting, though she is prettier in this than she is supposed to be:

So, if you follow me on twitter, or are a fan of Yummy Goods on facebook, then you know (even more, uh, acutely than if you just read the blog ) that I have done little lately except read/watch/obsess over Jane Eyre. And you will know that I am insisting that everyone I know watch the 2006 Masterpiece Theatre film version that I am in love with.(no other film version will do.)  And about ten people have since put it in their netflix queue or ordered it from the library! Yay!

Would you like to join us? 

How about an Unofficial Bronte-Along? Or should it be a Jane Eyre-athon? -along?

Don't feel bad about not reading the book before you see the film. I hadn't read it either-the film made me want to! And I have not suffered from reading it after the film.

So, just let me know in the comments if you will join me! Maybe you will be inspired to craft or draw based on the book or the period- and you can share it on your blog? Or maybe you just want to watch and swoon, and who could blame you? Certainly, I wouldn't.

Should I make a banner or button for the Bronte-Along? Maybe I will. I've never done anything like this, so I don't really know what to do.

Ok, so since I just tweeted about it and everyone wants to know what the heck is involved in joining the Bronte-Along (tee hee!!) --- how about this to start with, since I am totally making this up as I go along:

Required: Watch the 2006 Masterpiece Theatre film version of Jane Eyre

Encouraged: Read the book by Charlotte Bronte

As if you could help it: SWOON

Hoped for and encouraged: blog, tweet facebook about it if you are into it. Basically, I just want others to swoon with :o)

Would be awesome: Craft, paint, visual journal, etc about it! I have been so inspired to paint the characters and research the dress of the times etc, that you might be similarly swept up. If so, I would love to see your work!

Anything else? Suggestions welcome! I will compile a complete list of interested parties so we can visit everyone's blogs and see what everyone is up to! And suggestions for requirements or encouragements will be added to an official post stating it all. I mean an unofficial post. Yeah.

The bottom line is that I am just so utterly in love with the story that I want others to share it with!

xo,

melissa

I couldn't help myself.

Earlier today, Beth and I were obsessing about Jane Eyre together and I suddenly was struck with the obvious need for us to  do a Unicorn Stories episode based on the story (eventually). So I started spinning some stories and remembering that the great hall in the book is called Thornfield and, well:

How could I resist?

I couldn't.

(watching it now)

xo,

melissa

For this week and the next, I am blogger-in-residence over at the fab blog Scoutie Girl!

Tara is a cutie whose design blog covers all manner of handmade goodness. If you don't know scoutie girl, you should!

Have a look at the intro post she did about me and then meander over, if you like, and check out my first guest post!

Can you guess what inspired my freshman entry?

If you have suggestions for my next posts, let me know in the comments!

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In other news, I have the best customers.

One lovely girl who comes in brought me this over the weekend:

Can you believe it? Thanks, Jess!

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I hope you don't mind if I keep showing you the painting I have been doing.

These are  some painty/illustrationy/doodley things that I love to do:

Friends, meet omg-pig:

And a sweet little ellie:

 Um, he's not supposed to look like he has a package! I thought you might find it funny, though, so I'm showing you anyways :o)

How about some more little elephants?

I love drawing these guys. Painting, I mean. Gouache.

Some owls:

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Obsession Update: Only watched Jane Eyre once today :o) And started rereading the book. It's been three days since I finished it. This isn't too soon, is it?

Unrelated: Would it be wrong to start calling Stuart 'Sir'?

Those of you who said you would join me--- have you picked up your copies yet or ordered the film??

xo,

melissa

I watched Jane Eyre two times in a row yesterday, painting and drawing Jane and Mr. Rochester the whole time.

What?

That's normal, isn't it?

Though obviously influenced by the actors (especially in Edward's case) I tried not to make them look too much alike.

Oh, Mr. Rochester!

I was psyched that so many of you responded to the post about my obsession! I am watching it again right now (if you are keeping track, that is the fourth time since Friday.)

Stuart came in to the room as I finished drawing these two portraits and he was all, Woah!

He is rarely impressed, so it made me feel good.

He said, "You don't usually draw like this!"

No, I don't usually draw like this. I prefer my quirky illustration style to more realistic sketching and trying to capture a likeness. But it is fun once in a while, if inspired.

After completing those, I moved on to some folk art type of painting:

But I abandoned this one for now because Edward--- I mean, Mr. Rochester--- is looking a bit, well, Wolverine, is he not?

As he is here, too:

Oh, well. They can't all be gems!

Some more Jane... Oh, wait... Thor wanted to say hello:

 Ok, now more Jane:

I love this one, which is tiny and just kind of spontaneously happened when I wasn't paying much attention:

Closer, now:

And now I just let myself get as wacky as I like:

It is so much fun to experience the characters in my own way like this!

I think I am going to have to indulge in a bunch of paintings of all of the main characters of my future obsessions!

I was emailing with my friend Lucy (the director of a local library!) and in response to my obsession, she wrote, "I think overdosing on Jane Eyre is a sign of true mental health. "

xo,

melissa

I have beome wholeheartedly obsessed with Jane Eyre.

Or is it Mr. Rochester that I am really obsessed with?

(smoulder, smoulder.)

Friday night, Beth came over and we watched (in one sitting!) the Masterpiece Theatre 2006 version of Jane Eyre. Beth owns many of the costume drama BBC productions  and this is her favorite. She is indoctrinating me and I am more than willing.

After hardly sleeping Friday night, (toss! turn! brooding! tension! cravats!) I went to the library Saturday morning to pick up the book, which I had never read. I actually can't think of any classics that I have read, can you believe it? I hold up my end of an intelligent conversation ok,  but well-read I am not.

Since Friday night, I feel the urge to rectify that situation! Had I known  that the classics were so... um.... juicy, I might have read them sooner. Or at the very least watched the BBC versions so I could  swoon over the dashing men (oh yeah, and learn the story.)

Did I mention swooning?

Totally. Swoon. Worthy.

Back to Jane. I started the book Saturday afternoon, and finished it Sunday afternoon. I devoured that thing. And I have since put on hold at the library every film version I could find.

Once I fully exhaust every Jane Eyre resource my library system offers, I will move on to Wuthering Heights. I figure I will start with the Brontes and move on to Austen from there.

Anyone wanna join me? I hope you will. It would be fun! If you don't feel up to the reading part, at least watch this film version of J.E., please? I bet your library has it.

Hmmm, I may just have to do a series of portraits of the characters.

Um, so yeah. That's what's on my mind lately.

xo,

melissa

p.s. i intentionally avoided calling you Reader.

p.p.s. i am guest writing for  a design blog this week! Back with details tomorrow!

I promise, someday it will be spring. No, really. It will.

I painted that on my chalkboard at the shop. So looking forward to the first bulbs starting to show!!

Also, can't wait for vacation! I looked back at my new year's post and I am actually already doing a bunch of the things I wanted to do! We booked a vacation. I am getting less lumpy. (down ten pounds!) I am nurturing friendships. I am letting go, letting go, letting go.

Yay!

And I've been painting, as you know. Which is such a treat. I think I might offer some of the smaller paintings from that batch for sale here on the blog.

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A few weeks ago, I painted this for Beth as she sat quietly knitting at the table with me.

It is a portrait of a sea captain, my tribute to this one that she loves at the Nantucket Whaling Museum that has a lovely mermaidy/ghosty story attached to it. I will have to nudge her to tell the tale of the tail.

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 Thank you, dear friends, for all of the love and support on my last post. You guys are so sweet to me, so generous and thoughtful--- and I so appreciate your taking the time to say hello or send love.

I am lucky to have you. Blogging wouldn't be as fun without you.

xo, melissa

A year has passed since my brother's suicide and I still haven't taken his number out of my cell phone.

It's fair to say that anyone would have expected it of me, or others in my family, before they would have thought Michael would ever kill himself. I'm definitely not suicidal now, but  from 12-15 years old I struggled with suicidal thoughts constantly. In tenth grade, I walked to a grocery store in the middle of the night to get sleeping pills to chug with a bottle of vodka a friend had left at my house. I didn't have any money and I couldn't bring myself to shoplift the pills so I left empty-handed. It sounds dramatic to say, but if there had been a gun at my house, you probably wouldn't be reading this.

-----I keep removing the following few sentences (and adding and removing it again.) It feels so raw, but I don't want to hide it.-----------  I am still amazed at how often I see depictions of someone shooting themselves in the movies and on tv. Or how frequently people make the motion of "Oh ha ha I was so bored, look at me point this fake gun at my head." They aren't doing anything wrong, it's just that once you've known someone who has really done it, you can't help but imagine them doing it every single time you see it pantomimed.

A whole year has passed.

Every night for that first few weeks, I would notice whenever it was 6:17pm, the time stamp on his email moments before he did it. Then it was every Thursday night at that time. Then instead of measuring by days or weeks, it was every 19th day of the month.

 And now it will be measured in years.

I still get anxious every time the house phone rings at night. Still hold my breath as I wait  to see who it is and every time the machine picks up, remembering my Dad's tone when he said, "Melissa, pick up the phone..."

Tonight my family and Michael's closest friends are getting together for a short while, around 6:17pm.

If you wanna send us some love, we could all still use it.

xo, melissa

I bought this apple just so I could show you, is that weird?

I was picking out some Grannysmiths at the store the other day when I saw this one with no indent at the stem. Isn't it strange looking?!

That's all. Just thought you might like to see this weird apple.

I did eat it after I photographed it.

I wonder if I'm the only one who does this: I will only buy apples that have stems. They are unappealing to me if the stem has fallen out. My favorite is when they have stems with a leaf still attached. Fascinating, I'm sure.

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I have spent the last couple of days painting a ton which makes me so happy. I have about 20 paintings going!

I took a few shots tonight, but the lighting isn't great. (see below) I'll take better pics when they are all finished.

I don't set out with a certain thing in mind to paint,  usually. When I am doing personal work, I just start slapping paint down on the surface and see what emerges over time. It is experimental and intuitive and sometimes frustrating because sometimes, well... what comes out is not that great! But I have to do some work that isn't great to get to the good stuff, to get into a groove, to let things flow and let something new emerge.

I go through phases in my artwork when I can only paint or draw one thing, until I finally do it so much that something else can find its way out! In the early 90's it was voluptuous goddess-y motifs. More recently it was pod-type flowers followed by house shapes. Then one house in particular, my house from childhood. (You may remember I did a bunch of those last year.)

(disclaimer: the lighting of these photos is terrible! the paintings really do look much better in real life.)

Here's one from this week:

I was working on some of these houses yesterday, when all of a sudden a new thing made its way to the surface:  A new style of trees that I am really excited about!

It started with this tree to the left of the house:

I just loved how it came out and started playing around with more.

Here are some with another house:

If you've been visiting the blog for a while, you may recognize the above steps and the texture to the right of them from this painting called Forty Steps. (That is where Stuart proposed to me last year, that's why there are those congratulations comments on that post!)

Here is another of the 40 steps from this week:

A big row of smaller paintings of  trees ( and now they are turning into some flower silhouettes):

And some larger trees:

So, that's what I've been up to this week!

And watching American Idol, to Stuart's chagrin.

And daydreaming about vacation. (4 weeks till Key West!)

xo,

melissa

hey!

You are not even going to believe the outrageously beautiful and delicate things that Beth Dunn knitted for me!

I had my eyes closed and my hands cupped to receive, when she placed the lightest, smallest bit of knitting into my palms...

Hmmm. What could this be? Too light for socks. (omg, did I ever show you the socks she knitted for me??)

Oh, wow.

Ahhhhhh!!!! Lovely lacey covers for my little paws!

Look at this detail!

They are a deep navy color, knitted with size zero needles from some lace-weight fancypants wool yarn (malabrigo). Beth is kind of a yarn snob (compliment!), which works out for me quite nicely :o)

They are so great, aren't they?!

(((Thanks, Beth, you knitting superstar.)))

No, I still haven't gotten my engagement ring sized! I am working on losing the Book Weight first, otherwise it will have to get sized twice!

And yes, I actually am eating well... been a whole month now! I am using the LoseIt app for my hand-me-down ipod Touch. It's basically just a calorie counter, but I really like it. I like the gadgety aspect which makes it kind of  like a game. It is helping me to be more reasonable about what I eat! And yes, I have actually lost a few pounds.

I am managing to work out once or twice a week for now. Diet is always the hardest part for me, so I am ok with waiting on the exercise for now while I really get comfortable with eating better after several months of a free-for-all!

For me, getting in enough water (ok, ANY water) has always been a struggle... turns out, there actually is an app for that. I have been using Water Your Body app for 3 weeks and now I drink 8-9 cups a day! Of course, the apps aren't magic or anything, you have to actually do the stuff you're s'posed to do, but the keeping track is what makes it kind of fun and interesting and, well, it's turning into a habit!

Are you eating well or trying to lose weight or get into some healthy habits? If so, what is keeping you on track and motivating you?

If you tried at the begining of the year but have fallen off the wagon, you can always re-commit!

I tend to shy away from talking about weight loss because, well, I hate to be so typical! But weight and food have always been an issue and probably always will be for me. (I have talked about the food issue, but not really weight.) And I know that so many other women struggle with this too, so let's just talk about it, ok? I even almost didn't share about those apps, but I thought I would just experiment with being open about it and see how it feels. Ok? Are you with me?

xo,

melissa

Hey sweet friends!

Just had to show you some recent thrifted goodness.

Love this virgin mary statuette:

Close up:

And this footed covered candy dish:

 And I couldn't help myself, I bought my first Beanie Baby. But it's a unicorn. A pink Unicorn with a crazy white mane and irridescent twisty horn.

See?

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This isn't thrifted, but you may remember a while ago I mentioned that my dad had a book about stars that one of us kids wrote in when we were little. Dad dropped it off the other day so I could photograph it and show you!

Here it is, the defaced inside cover:

Tee hee! How jaded or cranky do you have to be to think that stars suck??

xo,

melissa

oh, you know me.

I'm reflective even when it isn't the first week of January. I can't help but think about my year.

For the last week or so I kept  trying to write this post, but, you know... some awful things happened for me this year. It's hard to bring some of it up.

Some awesome things happened, too. Wonderful, amazing, unexpected things.

oh, 2009. Let's see.....a spontaneous mix of heartbreaking and hopeful, serious and frivolous:

For the first time since I can remember, I had a not-sad Thanksgiving and a not-sad Christmas. Victory!

My studio was on the cover of a magazine.

I made Unicorn Stories.

I was asked to write a book. I said yes and I was terrified.

I designed a line of fabric that I adored and it never saw the light of day. It still makes me sad.

I have grown a loyal and wonderful clientele at my shop.

I tried Dom Perrignon. It tasted like champagne.

I experienced the two (separate) most heart-wrenching, soul-shatteringly painful days I've ever experienced. (I've always been a crier, but I honestly didn't know I could cry that hard and for that long. good god.)

My brother committed suicide. I still can't really believe it.

I got engaged to my true love. I am so lucky.

I saw the dissolution of a 20 year friendship that I thought would be my companion into old age.

I nurtured a bunch of new friendships. Many have taken root.

I went to see Bruce Springsteen with Stuart and his three kids. I will have this burned into my memory: we were all standing up singing/shouting, "tramps like us, baby we were born to ruuuun." It was cute.

I signed up to run a marathon as a relay, and  dropped out a few days before. I felt like a jerk.

I experienced my first full year as a shopkeeper.

I wrote a book. It was so much work but I loved it when I didn't hate it. But mostly I loved it.

I gained twenty pounds.

I realized that Stuart is my Best Friend.

I learned to crochet granny squares.

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>big sigh<

see? not all bad, but  the bad parts were the worst ever. I'm so glad it's over.

Here's to a better 2010!

Specifically, I hope to:

get less lumpy

return to my yoga practice

release at least one new fabric line

go on vacation

blog more

have a more brisk business at the shop

deepen friendships that support me

let go, let go, let go

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I hope we all have more love, less pain, yummy food, surprising connections, quiet contentment, and unlimited creativity.

and unicorns... more unicorns.

xo,

m

yay! thank you so much for all the book love, wow!

Just a little bit about Small Stash Sewing: The projects I've created are a way to use your precious designer fat quarters, without being a fat-quarter-only book, if you know what I mean!

The idea was: oooh how can I feature this little morsel of fabric that I love so much? So, yes...I have made up 24 projects that feature fat quarters... and sometimes something else!  You know me, I'm not one to stick rigidly to a prescribed format!

So, some projects use more than one fat quarter (or less than one!), some use different kinds of fabric in addition to the cotton quilting fabric. Let's be honest, if you are hoarding fat quarters, you probably have some muslin hanging around or maybe a yard or two of a print you got supercheap, that sort of thing.

(((Small Stash Sewing will be available in May of 2010!)))

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I have been so excited to finally share the book cover with you I am thrilled by your enthusiastic response. In thanks, I present to you a free pattern from Small Stash Sewing, the scarf from the cover!

And just in time for some last minute holiday crafting!

I'm psyched that this project is the one I get to share because it totally exemplifies my style: both my personal sense of style and the way I like to sew.

Remember when I went to Quilt Market last fall and I made myself this scarf to wear?

That was the inspiration for this piece.

This is a quick project, so I hope you'll take the time to make some of these for gifts and post your pics  to the Small Stash Sewing flickr pool!

Also? Isn't my friend Shelly gorgeous?

I am a little nervous... did you know that this is the  first time I have offered a pattern/tutorial?

Please be gentle! 

Ok, click the picture to download the free Silk Scarf pattern from Small Stash Sewing!

Hey, we have  a correction already, thanks to an astute reader named Emily:

In the file supplies list it states 1/8 yard of silk, but you really need 1/4 yard!

(thanks emily!)

Note: I used dupioni silk (will add to the pattern in the final edit!) , but if you don't feel like going out to get some, try fleece for a more cozy number or maybe linen if you have some laying around! Let me know how it works.

(We are still in the editing phase, so if you find a glitch, email me instead of cursing me, ok? Also? The file might be kind of huge, so please be patient when downloading. also? special thanks to the people at Wiley who are awesome beyond belief!)

xo,

melissa

ps omg! yay!

Oh my god, you guys.

Here it is, my book (to be published by Wiley!)

eeeeeeeee!

Back soon with more info and a free pattern from the book that you might want to use to make some holiday gifts!

xo,

melissa

ps oh my god!

hey!

I have been  gearing up for our Yummy Goods Open House on Friday--- making sure I have cookies being made by friends, straightening up the shop and studio, that kind of thing. To invite my regular customers, I even sent out my first newsletter last night! It was fun to create. If you want to sign up for it, look over there in the sidebar. Just know that it is specifically shop related, ok?

The open house is also the conclusion and celebration of our Handmade for the Holidays drive! I suppose I ought to seam together the cowls I knitted for it:

Ooh, look at that. Ice cream colors! Doesn't it look like one of those containers that have strawberry, vanilla and chocolate inside?

I am not all that knitty. I only just learned how to purl! And I hate following directions of any kind. Or counting. So I'm sticking with scarves and that's it, yo.

But I have fallen head over heels for crochet. Thanksgiving night I taught myself how to make granny squares and I am now addicted. I want to have the Crochet Superpower. I want to be *amazing* at crochet. It seems more forgiving than knitting and more conducive to freestyling. I'll take some pics this week and show you what I've been working on.

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 It's been a whole year now since  my studio was photographed for the Cloth Paper Scissors STUDIOS magazine cover.

How about a peek inside to see what it looks like these days? I totally didn't plan on doing a 'year later' post, so these pics are not comprehensive at all--- the main workspace isn't really shown!

But maybe you'll want to have a look anyways.

The fabric shelves are pretty much the same. Added the YGCO next to it for fun. It stands for Yummy Goods Corporate Office, which is what my girlfriends and I call the studio. We're a little bit silly.

Oh, who's that?

That card is the letter U from Chronicle Books' awesome Webster's Wall Cards. (Yes, I have some in the shop!)

The color shelves are pretty much the same, only fuller!

But I will admit, there are not always as neat as they are in this picture. If that can be considered neat, that is.

My dad stopped into the shop last week and when he saw that Seeing Stars book on the blue shelf, he asked me if I remembered a similar book around the house when I was little. He said he still has it he would bring it in for me to see... one of us kids had written STARS SUCK on the title page!

Bwah haa aah ha! Stars SUCK! That just cracks me up. We were big defilers of books, we were.

Also, you may recognize a certain ceramic unicorn from a couple of posts ago. He is now wearing a unicorn hat (complete with horn  cozy) that Beth made several weeks before I bought him!

Speaking of Beth-knitting, DANG! That girl has made me some amazing stuff lately. I am wearing two items right now. I need to photograph them for you, you will not even believe the perfection. Knitted things are the texture of love.

Oh, sorry. We were in the studio.

Did you notice the giant tub of Atomic Fireballs?

One of the yellow shelves. Yes, there are now two, but I think I only took a picture of one:

A little bit of the orange shelf, I love those chinese lanterns:

And my awesome bead/jewelry supply cabinet, which I am dying to dig into to make some ridiculous necklaces:

I'll have to take more shots so you can see the main work area.

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Did I tell you that I finished the last of 24 patterns for the book the other day? Yay! Now to finish the photography and do Author Review (AR). That's when a project has been through a bunch of  different editors (development, tech, copy) and now it comes back to me  to approve changes, answer queries, etc.

Author Review. AUTHOR! Tee hee!

One thing I have learned since I started writing the book: I will never tire of saying 'my editor.' It is just plain fun to say.

(((since i started this post last week, i have finished photographing 4 more projects, and taken a bite out of AR!)))

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The Giveaway:

I have randomly selected (ok, it was random.org who selected ) the winner of last post's giveaway---

Commenter #46 : Erin, who said "Yes please. LOVE these fabrics. And love your blog design too by the way. "

Thanks, and congrats! Email me your  mailing address, ok?

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Huh, look at that. My next post is #350.

Back soon.

xo,

melissa

Excuse me, but would you like some fabric?

I thought you might.

How about a  good-sized bundle of some Anna Maria and Tina Givens fabric?

These pieces aren't fat quarters, they are probably more like halves or 3/4 yards. Maybe more. You know me, I didn't measure- I just cut.

I know, I need to do another giveaway of my own fabric. But I don't have that much of it left and I, um, well, I kind of hoard it.

But hopefully you will like what I am offering up here.

So, just go ahead and leave a comment to enter the giveaway. Not sure yet if I will draw a number randomly, or if I will let Stuart pick the comment he likes best.

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Not sure if you noticed all the changes in the sidebar recently, but go ahead and have a look-see if you like.

A little reminder of a few ways for us to connect:

You can sign up for the shop-related newletter if you want to hear about that stuff (in the sidebar where it says Sign Up For The Yummy Goods Shop Newsletter). This will have different content from the blog, as it will be primarily shop-based as well as local interest stuff.

Also, you can always get my blog posts delivered right to your email by signing up in the other section further down on the sidebar where it says "Subscribe to the Blog."

And then there's the Facebook Fan Page for the shop, but you already know about that, right?

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Hmmm, post number 348, huh? I've already been doing giveaways, but I'll have to think of something special for #350. Suggestions?

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How about some shop/product pics, since you asked?

I like silly stuff:

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xo, m

Saturday night.

My sweetie's watching college football and I'm trying to tune it out. Would you think my life was more exciting than this? I tell you, it's not.

(This post's photos are brought to you by my trip to Provincetown from a while back.)

So here I am, trying to quell the holiday blues that have snuck up on me. I feel better when I am connecting with people, so that's why I'm here. I like hanging out with you.

I was explaining these blues to a friend today. It's like getting a chill that doesn't go away for a month and a half. It's a loneliness that I feel inside my bones.

It's weird, because I don't really feel depressed, per se. Life is good, I'm generally satisfied, I have loving people in my life.  It's just this seasonal affliction.

The holidays bring up Family Stuff, you know?

My friend asked, "What's the antidote?"

And I said I don't know of one. But being around people helps. Since it's basically a deep loneliness, that makes sense, right?

Generally, I'm not one who needs to be with people all the time. I enjoy my own company and like time to myself. But when I feel this way, being by myself makes me anxious, restless...lonely.

So, here I am--- connecting with you. Good job, me.

I know a lot of people struggle at this time of year. I'd rather just talk about it than hold it too hard and fool myself into thinking I'm the only one. It's not a huge deal, it just is the way it is. I just need to make sure I spend time with loving people, reach out when I start to feel down, and do some good self-nurturing. It'll be ok.

Ooooooh, look at this:

Nummy num num.

I'm glad that I asked last time about what you remember from your time here with me. I was surprised that you wanted to see more rust and texture photos! Sometimes I hold back because I figure you are like, 'Enough, already! We get it! You like rust and peeling paint, geeez!'

I also have been holding back on showing more of the shop, which many of you said you wanted to see more of! Yay! I could show you pictures of it all day, I just have been trying not to bore you!

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Did you see that I posted a follow up to that giveaway post? Yeah, I just announced the winner.

So that you don't have to go back if you don't feel like it, I'll repost it here:

I let Stuart pick the winner of the giveaway based on whatever criteria he wanted.

He chose the comment that he liked best:

i deeply appreciate how you share all the parts of you and your journey. you are real. and you remind me i am not alone. i love the fabric and the goodies and the photos, but it is your words full of truth, beauty, wisdom, and realness that pull me in over and over.

blessings to you...

Liz Elayne! you are the winner! Email me your address!

Thanks to everyone for the heartfelt responses. You are so awesome.

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Just so you know, I'll be doing another giveaway next week: fabric!

Hmmm, well. I think I'll go for now.

I hope you are having a lovely weekend.

xoxoxoxoxo

m

Hey!

I just posted about our first Craft Circle for Handmade for the Holidays. Go here if you'd like to see pics and hear what participants had to say about it! That also takes you to the rest of the info about the project that I said I would post, so go check it out! (if you get lost, click on Handmade for the Holidays in the sidebar on the right, that will let you see all the info)

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So I've been kinda wrapped up in the Handmade thing and its been really fun! Handmade for the Holidays was featured in an article in the Cape Cod Times about how locals are using social media (blogs, facebook, twitter) to get the word out about charity events/drives. There was kind of a huge photo of me on the front page of the business section! I'll have to photograph the actual paper so you can see. I've never been in the paper before!

Well, unless you count when I was a kid, but it wasn't a local paper ( I mean, it wasn't local to me, it must have been local to someone) and I didn't really do anything except for look cute standing next to one of those giant Snoopy stuffed animals in a toy store in Kennebunkport, Maine. I'll have to see if I can dig up that clipping and scan it for you. I believe the caption was, "Cuddling up with friends at The Portly Beagle."

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I promised you a giveaway and here it is!

You can't shop online yet, so how about winning some Yummy Goods?

How about a cute donut lip gloss, for example?

or perhaps a lovely zippered pouch made from recycled plastic and printed with hedgies and birds?

(print by the ridiculously awesome helen dardik)

And, oh......

how about one of these phrase bracelets that everyone loves so much?

One lucky commenter will receive all of it and  either have some sweet goodies for her/himself or a couple of gifts taken care of already.

Here on the blog (actually, this goes for the shop, too!), I strive to create a place where together we can relax and be ok with imperfection, find beauty in the midst of struggle, be honest, be playful and real. You never know what stays with people, though,  so for a chance to win the goodies above, please leave a comment and tell me something that you remember from your time spent here with me. It may shape the things I touch on in the future.

xo, m

I loved reading your thoughtful comments about my last post. I haven't responded yet because I have been a busy girl, you can tell by looking over to the right at my sidebar!

Yes, that means if you are looking at this post in a reader or via email, you need to go to the actual website to see what I'm talking about! Sorry for any inconvenience :o)

This is just  a quick note to introduce you to a special project that Beth Dunn and I dreamed up while kicking ass butt on the treadmills at the Y (totally NOT unicorn-related, if you can believe that!):

Click on the button to learn about it! I will of course be doing a more in-depth post about it in the next few days.

I love this creative community- such warmth and heart. Thank you for being here with me!

More very soon, including that giveaway I promised to bribe you with this week.

xo,

m

p.s. yes, i am feeling much better :o)

p.p.s. the sidebar and webpages are still being worked on, so please let me know if there are any typos!

um, so here is the thing.

Sometimes?

Sometimes I...

Ok. Sometimes I feel like, well, like I am you know.... a... well....

Sometimes I feel like a loser.

Or like I suck.

See, today I felt kind of lonely. Just off, for whatever reason. And sometimes that can lead to those weird I Suck thoughts.

Isn't that strange?

Being lonely = I suck?

Whaaaat???

It's definitely not rational. I can tell myself  Hey, you don't suck! You're doing great. You're first book is almost done, you have your  shop, you're in a great relationship etc.... And I do tell myself those things. I try to cut myself some slack, be gentle and reassure myself.

And, being a self-searching kinda gal, I like to try to figure this stuff out. Was there anything that triggered it? Is it hormonal? Where is this coming from?

Is it because the shop is slow? (it is really slow) Is it because Tuesday would have been Michael's 40th birthday? (it was and it was weird) Is it because I haven't been exercising as much this week? (I haven't and I feel it) Is it because the blog has been quiet? (It has and I'm sad!)

I was trying to just brush it off and talk myself out of it. Ah, it's nothing. Sometimes that's a perfectly good way to deal with a weird mood! But, what bothered me about that tactic today was that  I was kind of trying to deny it, actually. Hmmmm, why?

Because as embarrassing as this is, a good part of my weirdness today is actually blog loneliness! I know, I know! It's so silly!

So I thought I would just own up to it and maybe someone else could relate and then I would feel better. I just miss connecting with you is all. I sometimes wonder if everyone thinks I've officially gone off the deep end, what with all my unicorn activities. 

One time when I was feeling bad after looking at other designers' blogs,  I posted something about it on twitter. And several other craft/sewing/designer bloggers direct messaged me that they feel that way sometimes, too. Overwhelmed by the beauty and seeming perfection of what every one else is doing.

We all do.

Even the people who look like they have the perfect life or career or are popular (ugh, am I in freaking 8th grade again?), or are doing what you want to be doing... all of those people have doubts, have off days, have moments when they feel like a loser.

I am sure of it.

(And if they don't then I want to stab them in the face.)

The trick is to remember that we are not alone, even when we feel that way.

We all are flawed. And we all are amazing in our own ways.

Even me and even you.

So there.

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In other news, my book really is almost done! We are working out the cover and the book design, choosing fonts, writing the introduction. I am starting to get really excited about it. At the beginning, I was terrified. Seriously, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to pull it off. But now that all of the projects are done and about half of the photography is finished... I see that I really pulled it together! I can't wait to show you! I'm not exactly sure when I 'll be able to share the cover and what the book entails, but you know I will be here wiggling like a happy puppy as soon as I get the go-ahead.

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Also, I am totally going to try and bribe you with a giveaway next week, so warm up your typing fingers.

xo,

m

(the photos are from the garden at this great shop called Wa that I went to in provincetown.)