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177: wish watch mouth

Good morning!  

I have been doing some spring cleaning. Not the traditional kind, more of a spiritual kind.

When I was really down last month, I realized (again) how downright cruel I can be to myself. Years ago, I used to be only filled with self hate- constantly insulting myself, repeating hurtful phrases to myself as some kind of torturing mantra.

I have come a long way since then, but , boy, when I start sinking down, those thoughts come back like an army of flying monkeys of the soul!

I have been consciously  trying to replace those negative thoughts with positivity and optimism.

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Of course, when I am feeling good, this isn't really that hard. The dark feeling are more manageable when they are small passing clouds in an otherwise sunny day. But when the storm comes... Well, I am practicing being kind to myself so that when the storm comes ( and there will be storms ) I am in the habit of helping myself with thoughts instead of hurting myself with them.

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In addition to working to change my thought patterns and self-talk, I am changing some of my other habits. I have been spending less time online and more time outside. I have been eating more moderately and getting more exercise. I have been putting on my ipod and listening to music or podcasts instead of watching tv. I am feeling better and enjoying the changes I am putting into place. In the past, I have  done these things intermittently, but I really want them to be a more consistent way of life. It feels so good. Why do I let these practices go?

To help keep this going, I am treating each new positive impulse as a lit match. I cup my hands around it and protect it so it doesn't get put out by a slight wind. When I have one of those thoughts like "ooh, it's really nice out, I should go for a walk," I  try to act on it quickly, before I have time to talk myself out of it or get distracted. I am practicing overcoming inertia!

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Above is another one of my thrifted tea towels.
Isn't it cute? I thought it was fitting for the topic.

What's going on with you all? 

Posted on Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 07:18AM by Registered Commentermelissa in | Comments4 Comments

Reader Comments (4)

Man, I feel like I just read an old journal entry of mine.; I can't tell you how familiar this post is. Lately, though, I have to say I'm feeling pretty good all the time. It's weird because it crept up on me and I didn't really notice it until suddenly I was like, "Whoa. I haven't been depressed in a while." (Honestly, I attribute about 40% of feeling better to not taking hormonal birth control anymore -- I realized I'd been mildly depressed for about seven years starting when I went on the pill and I read into it and discovered that dysthmia is actually a side effect of hormonal therapy for some people and was like AHA!. I attribute about another 25% of feeling better to not tracking things anymore -- no writing down when I exercise, no writing down my weight, no writing down what I eat, no writing down how many pages I've read, etc.) The rest of feeling better seems to just be good luck and getting older, I think. : )

Of course I'm sick sick sick still do I'm not "feeling good" at this particular moment, but my brain's pretty good. So there's that.

And now I realize I may have gotten too personal. That's me. : )
April 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJulie @ Letter9
I am an art teacher and I find your blog so inspirational! Thank you for the honesty and heart that you put into your work, ideas, photography and yard sale finds.
Thank you x 3!
April 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Davis Smith
"I am practicing overcoming inertia!" I've just made that my new mantra, thank you! :)
April 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkassy
I'm so impressed by your candor. It destigmatizes the uphill and enduring battle against depression and proves your willingness to replace irrational, automatic thoughts with positive thoughts and actions. Bravo!
April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLam

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