It's so glamorous around here.

Here I am standing in the patch of sun with my white paper that comprises  my photo studio.
Aren't those cat fabrics adorable! I have had them for years.

You know what happens once I pull out the camera:

Oh, Murky-Murk.  Poor thing. Just took him to the vet and found out that he has little kitty gingivitis!

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Last week, I was so happy to receive this lovely package from Beata from  Rose Hip!

I was one of the lucky ones who got to her blog in time to receive one of the many babushkas she was giving a way a few weeks ago!

Even the card she sent was awesome!

I believe that Beata will soon be opening an etsy shop, so keep your eyes peeled!
Thank you , Beata, for your generosity.

I love my babushka!

Some recent thrift, for your enjoyment:

Isn't that bottom one the cutest? 

Here, a closer view: 

Such adorable expressions.

I can't explain why I picked this up, but here you go:

Closer...

Closer still....

That poodle sure wears a lot of liquid liner.

And in case you were considering it,

Love that expression on the bear's face.

Ok, first look at the cuteness of this ornate piggy-bank pig :

And now notice the mouth of the girl with the apple!
What the...?
Cute dress, though.

Thank you for all of your  thoughtful responses to yesterday's post.
You guys are so awesome.  

This is the cover of one of my journals from 2000.

Fitting for what I've been talking about.
Being vulnerable  and forthcoming can feel scary!
But  in a good way.  

I am touched by the honesty you reflected back to me, the common feelings that we share.
Thank you for not just being like, "Shut up, show us something pretty! Where are the rotten tomatoes so we can chuck them at her!" Or with this crowd, would it be tomato pincushions?
(Have you ever had the misfortune of having to handle a rotten tomato? Oh my God, yuck. But I digress.)

And another journal cover from 2000.
Open Carefully. 

I am a collector of all sorts of wacky stuff, one of those things being the 'opening instructions' on product packaging. I can't exactly say why, but I always find it so cute and poignant. I imagine them as instructions for people on how to open up, and it just takes on this tenderness.

The one above is from microwave popcorn.

Here's another.

The small one on top reads : Tear along perforation. Use thumb notch to snap out contents.

Do not open with sharp object.

Somewhere I have a plastic ziploc bag with tons of different ones. Someday I should start cataloguing my collections. I told you I was odd.

Thank you for reassuring me that this is a safe place to open my heart.

(do not open with sharp object) 

xo, m 

Reach.

Stretch.

Set roots.

Grow.

Take in nourishment.

Unfurl.

Yes, unfurl. I like that. I feel like that's what I am doing.

I have to admit, I struggle with what I want to present to you. I have talked about this a little bit before, but I think it will be a continual exploration. It is so easy to fall into a rhythm of posting and forgetting to reveal the heart of things. Of me. 

Should I be revealing the inner workings ? Or should I be presenting a professional face? This is what I ask myself. Are they mutually exclusive?

What do I want to do? What is the most authentic expression of myself?  Will being authentic and open turn around and bite me in the ass?

It is my nature to be an open book. And it is true that sometimes being that open has had its consequences.

I am  giving voice to these thoughts that trip over themselves all up in here. I am not necessarily looking for answers from anyone other than myself. In the asking, I find my own answers.  In the sharing of these musings, maybe someone else will benefit by beginning the inquiry in themselves. I am not doing anyone any favors by keeping this all to myself. Least of all, me.

I am a soul-searching kind of gal. In my daily life I strive to understand myself and the people in my life. I try to ask questions that help me figure things out.

It's time I brought myself fully here. It is scary, you know. I am really putting myself out there by saying all of this. I am being vulnerable. I am making myself accountable by voicing this.

My hope is that by bringing this up, I will remind myself to be who I really am when I show up to post.

One thing that has brought this all up lately is thinking about the future. Right now, you know, no one knows who I am. Maybe 100 people even read this blog. I know that in time, that will change. Being a designer for Free Spirit means there will be some attention, eventually.

Of course, there is a part of me that wants to be just this all-together fancy pants designer. I want to be successful. When I am actively working on marketing or researching,  'success' means being in magazines and having a bunch of different licensors. I can't deny that, professionally, that would be great. Of course I want that.

But for me,  that feeling of ambition can easily turn into striving, to grasping, to competition or jealousy. I feel better, more at peace, when I realize that professional success, to some extent, is out of my hands. I can do my best to get my work out there, but ultimately it is up to the companies and the public to decide whether I will have commercial success. All I can do- all I need to do-  is express myself and get my work  in front of the decision-makers.

When I am just still and quiet and hear my inner voice, 'success' feels like whether I have managed to eat well and practice yoga that day. Or I can feel successful and totally at peace with myself if I can keep a level head , remember to breathe and be authentic in a  challenging situation. Success as a person is different, I think, than professional success.

Ultimately, I think succeeding at being  an open and authentic and loving person is  most meaningful to me. I mean, I could be in all the magazines, but if I am all wrapped up in competition and jealousy and trying to 'get ahead', then really, how successful am I? How happy will I be if that is what it takes to get there? Or if that is what happens inside of me  by trying to get there? 

I'd like to come to peace with this ambition-success-career stuff. I think it can get sticky and tricky. I don't want to unwittingly get myself involved in some kind of popularity contest or race to the finish line. I want to just do what I love to do. I want to have a happy life. I want to express myself and help people and love people.

I don't want to measure my success in life by how many comments I get on my blog , or how many magazine articles I am in- how popular I am. I've always been a bit too odd to be popular! Sure, it feels great to be seen and appreciated. It feels amazing, to be honest.

But if that all falls away, I want to still feel good about myself. And that feeling comes not from exposure in the media, or product lines, or stat counters- but in my day to day life, the way I treat other people, the love I give, the understanding I can shine on someone, how kind I am to myself.

I need to keep reminding myself of what really matters to me.

If I don't share all of this, I feel like I am being The Great Oz, scrambling around in a frenzy trying to create this image of me that isn't real.

I just want to be myself.

I am just a girl who loves color and making stuff and eating good food and laughing my ass off. I love to dance and go to thrift stores and be a goofball with my friends. I love to learn about myself and other people, I love to listen, I love to practice yoga. I love to  play in my garden, snuggle with my honey, and watch the puppies play with each other.

Thanks for listening.

(Did that make any sense at all?)

ok, still updating my bloglines.

For your enjoyment, a fresh batch of design blogs:

Sometimes I just assume that we are all reading the same blogs, so I neglect to link to some of my newest favorites.

But I am going to try to make more of an effort to spotlight the blogs I love. I don't have the energy to really do a whole post about each one, but I will definitely make it a point to at least post the links in my entries, and not just on the sidebar.

I know I have a million links over there, but I do try to keep them current. I actually read (or skim!) all of the blogs I link to.  I subscribe to new blogs constantly, and initially keep them  'private' in my bloglines account until I have been reading for long enough to know that I can feel good about recommending them. I don't just reciprocally link. In fact, most of the blogs on my sidebar don't even link to me or have any idea who I am!
Does it surprise you to know that only about 20 blogs link to me? It's true! 

My point is that all of those links over there on my blogroll are yummy-approved! If I notice that a  blog isn't updating regularly, they go to 'private' until I can recommend them again. Who wants to visit a blog that is the same all the time? Isn't that just a website then?!

I am a bit blog obsessed, as you may have noticed. I especially am addicted to all of the great design blogs. You know, if I weren't a designer, I would be a design blogger!

I just updated my list of design/trend/style blogs. Many of these I have been reading for months, but am finally getting around to marking 'public' on my bloglines.

Please visit them, they are awesome!

Some recent thrifty goodness:

Rockin' santa in a gold glitter suit! Elvis-y! 

So funny that you can see the pipe cleaners folded in the back like this!

Such a funny expression!

Clear blue plastic Mary:

I can't help it, it reminds me of an old glass Coke bottle.

Madonna and child plaster wall plaque:

Closeup:

You know how I love my religious statuary:

Anyone know if that is a Mary or a saint or what?

And this just about made me gasp when I found it:

An old glass holy water container!

Love the print on this glass:

It is Sunday, after all.

Seeing Heather Ross's sneak peak reminded me of one of my fabric designs that  sold a couple of years ago:

Seahorses are so cool.

So, same story with this one:  don't know who it sold  to, so keep your eyes peeled for me, won't you?

I went to Tumbleweed today again and got some more little bits. I just love those little bits! I am thinking of gathering some and doing a giveaway. How does that sound?

I am happy to see that a bunch of people have been adding their photos to the Free Spirit Fabric (and Rowan)  pool that I started today on flickr. If you haven't done so yet, I really hope you will. All this webby stuff is so much more fun when more people participate.

I have been afraid I might be boring you with the drawings and conversationals. Am I boring you? I hope not. That would make me sad.  

  Oh, what the heck, here are a couple more of my older fabric designs ( yawn if you must):

I love Halloween, so it is always awesome when I get a chance to design Halloweenie stuff.

And some cute pups:

mmmm. puppy love......

How about you come over and join my first flickr group,
Free Spirit Fabric (and Rowan)

See you there!

xo,m

Just saw this sneak peek of the new line by Heather Ross for Free Spirit!

(The link is to Green Kitchen, but I found out about by browsing flickr.  )
I would post pics but I am  not sure of flickr etiquette!
Am I really allowed to blog other people's photos?
It seems too easy!

 I don't want you to get bored with all my past fabric designs, so tonight  I thought I'd show you some drawings instead.

This one is from one of my visual journals. Maybe from 5 years ago, or so.  A self portrait. 

I had hair then.

It never ever looked as cute as it does in this drawing, which is why I keep my hair at an eighth to a quarter of an inch long.

Yes, really.

Yes, I do it myself.

I usually keep my antennas tucked in.

Here  are a couple of drawings from last winter. I was experimenting with new styles.

Gouache and ink on Bristol paper. 

I love that purple lady.  I love her dress and her hair.

I'd like to wear a dress like that.

Owl Be Good. Also known as Argyle Owl.
This is another fabric design sold through a third party a couple of years ago.
Again, if you see it out in the world, please let me know!

(Disclaimer: this is not what you can expect for my line for Free Spirit!) 

Thought I would show you some of my older fabric designs. These are known as 'conversationals'. Conversationals are designs that show a 'thing' or being - could be an animal, a teacup, a bee. Not a geometric or a floral. If anyone wants to chime in with a more eloquent description, please do so!

I have been hesitant to show these because they are so different from my line coming out for Free Spirit. I didn't want you to expect the line to be these kinds of conversationals, which were specifically created for juniors apparel and sleepwear. But I did want to show some of my older work, and tell you a little bit about it.

Ok?

So the top design is considered a 'placement.' It is a design that would be a single image on , say, a sleepwear top or tee shirt.  The middle design would be called a 'coordinate' - a more simple design that can be used to complement the main designs. The bottom design is the 'repeat' , a repeating overall design, often done in a 'tossed' pattern, as above. This could be the bottoms of a pajama set, perhaps with the coordinate heart pattern  as a couple inches of trim at the hem.

 This design was sold last year through a third party, so I don't know who purchased it! If you see it out in the world, please let me know!

Good morning!

Just having some coffee to wake up. Thought I'd post just a quick one with some recent thrift finds. 

Got this cool old jar top.

This will probably end up on the wall in the kitchen.

More kitcheny stuff:

At the thrift store, I saw a woman walking around with this and I wanted it! I surreptitiously kept tabs on her to see if she would end up putting it back, and she did! I scooped this baby right up:

Isn't it pretty? I imagine some kind of bar cookie all piled up on this. Mmmm. cookies.....

And look at the detail!

Did I ever tell you that I used to be a cake decorator?
Yep. For a year. For the first few months, I used to eat the equivalent of a six inch cake nearly every day.
Honest to god. You have to slice the uneven tops from the cake layers, and you are always squirting out frosting to get rid of lumps or change a color, so you have this giant pile of cake scraps and frosting. Not great for someone with food issues! I got this job fresh from my stay at Kripalu in 1997, where I gained 30 pounds in 5 months (another story entirely!). I was in full-on chowdown mode! After a couple of months of stuffing my face with cake, I finally calmed down and started walking everyday, eating better, and my weight came back to normal. Since then, I still have my usual fluctuations of about 10 pounds up or down. I do feel best when I am exercising and eating well, so I try to do that.

Well, I didn't expect to get into that today, but there you have it! 

Perhaps because of my experience as a cake decorator, this book caught my eye:

Love that doily cover.

This book has some funny stuff in it!

No, wiseguy, I didn't make cakes like that. I did get to use an airbrush for the first time, though. We would airbrush with food coloring to do drawings - this was before everyone had those digital photo things to put on cakes. I took pictures of the most difficult ones- I should dig those up sometime and show you.

My favorite cakes to do were the... well, you know... the uhh,  naughty ones. I don't know if those bachelorettes  were expecting something so, so....um, authentic looking.

I love this page of candy molds.

1960!

Have a lovely day, friends.

Yep, another break.

Yesterday I went to Tumbleweed Quilts, the fabric shop that is a five minute drive from my house.

That's the place where I got those little bits of fabric from a few posts ago. I was mistaken- they are 50 cents, not 25. Still good though!

I was there to get some batting for the quilt that I've been working on, but (of course) I left with a bunch of little bits :

When I walked in, I immediately started rummaging through them. Glancing up from the treasure pile, I noticed two of the ladies working there and I mentioned to them that I love the little bits and that I posted photos on my website and that you all loved them so much.

 One of the ladies started asking me about my website, and I sheepishly admitted that it's a blog, and that I'm a fabric designer blah blah blah.

I feel so self-conscious talking about that stuff! I mean, don't get me wrong- I love it, but I feel a little, I don't know...embarrassed for some reason! I'm sure I'll get over it.

Karen was just a sweetheart, and we chatted for a little while about the line and all the designers' blogs and how addictive reading blogs  can be.

(Hi Karen! Don't forget to say hello!)

I also scored a bag of scraps that was just 5 bucks! When I got home, I was pleased to see that nearly half of the scraps were from fellow Westminster designers!

Ok, off to yoga now.

Happy Sunday, y'all.

I am working away on my (hopefully) final revisions for the line. Thought I'd take a little break and peek in to say hi. Please feel free to email to say hello, that way I can take more breaks.

I'm naughty that way.

Please enjoy this thrifted birdie in the color turquoise:

The shadow above  looks like Nessie, doesn't it?

So cute!

Nice gold eyeliner.

I'll be back later for another break.

Last weekend I went off-Cape for one of my yoga training weekends. Saturday's topic was yoga philosophy, mantra and chant. The day ended with  an event called kirtan, which is  a kind of yoga-singing-prayer kind of a thing. It is really fun! It's a great way to pray- with other people and so joyfully.  My new cousin Liz is part of the group that came in to lead the singing, which I was just thrilled about.

Since I knew I would be seeing Liz, I made up a shirt for her in a design I thought she would like:

and of course I had to wrap it up all pretty-like:

I am a little bit nuts about having to save every tiny scrap of fabric. Lately I have been  using these thin little strips as ribbons to wrap presents with.  People love it and it makes me happy. ( See honey, I  use all this crazy stuff I save!)  Liz loved the shirt even before she knew that I made it for her! Yay! It is such a simple gift to make and so easily cutomizable for a person's individual taste.

Liz is a yoga teacher and a therapist and we just connected right away when we met last spring. She is actually my father's cousin. I call her my new cousin because I only just met her! But it feels like we have known each other for a long time. It feels so natural to be  together and reall share deeply, not just chitchat and small talk.  It is still hard for me to remember that she is an actual blood-related family member! She feels like an old friend.

I stayed overnight with her, which was absolutely lovely. It was like continuing the  learning from the yoga training. We listened to Indian music, she made home made Indian food for me!

Of course, being a total spaz, I had to take pictures of each stage of the cooking:

 Aren't the colors awesome together?

We blessed the food in a traditional  way that she has learned in her time with the kirtan group.

Watching Liz prepare all the spices was such a treat. It was like watching someone make a magic potion! I was ridiculously excited.

I couldn't resist:

The spices and ghee cooking:

Chana and spinach cooking:

 The result:

Isn't it beautiful?
We sat down to eat and talked yoga and food, philosophy and family.
It is such a new experience for me to have that kind of connection in my family.  I have to thank my Dad for hooking me up with Liz.  Last spring he urged me to contact her. He said she reminded him of me, that we have a striking resemblance, that we have similar interests and that  he thought we would really connect. Now, I have to tell you, I think this may have been the first time in my life that anyone in my family has urged me to do anything, so I really took note. I am so glad I  did! Thanks, Dad. You did a good thing there. ( I don't think he really reads this, but I just wanted to put that appreciation out there.)

And boy do we have a resemblance! Everyone in my yoga training was like, " Is that your mother? Is that your sister? Oh my god, the resemblance is amazing!"  I have to point out that they may have mistook her for my mother because she has long white hair, which makes us look like there is more of an age difference between us than there really is! Now I wish I had a picture taken of us together so I could show you. Next time!

In the morning, Liz made a super yummy breakfast, too. 

Oranges, mango and kiwi . Yogurt in the cutest little dishes with adorable garnish.  Freshly grated nutmeg!

French toast with toasted coconut and warmed craisins.

A fully set table and some chai and oatmeal to boot! That Liz. She knows how to do it up, man.

It is so inspiring to be around her. Every Sunday she does breakfast like this for herself! The cute dishes, the pretty garnish, the set table. All of  it. It is her special day to really rest and take care of herself. I just love that.

Thank you , Liz for taking such great care of me!

I love to be cooked for. It makes me feel so loved. 

>sigh< 

Let us begin our time together with some cuteness provided by Thor and Mercury:

Yes, that is the $50 leather couch from the summer.

I feel all weird. Tired.  I was freezing all day. Just took a shower to warm up. I wanted some cocoa but I resisted since I am trying to cut down on my sugar intake for a while . Instead, I heated up some soymilk and added a dash of cinnamon and a tiny drizzle of molasses. It was super yummy!

I love these old radiators we have in our house.

I do need to paint them though. They are a bit dark. I like them painted white.
Really makes the room pop. 

Sorry for the all-over-the-place nature of tonight's post. It's either that or not post at all, so I thought I'd just go with it. 

Thrifted plaster dog cuteness:

I think this will look cute in the bathroom. I need some shelves to display all my goodies.

The other day I was organizing my bureau:

Riley and Thor helped. That mountain of stuff is just my socks, camisoles, tights, and scarves! And that isn't even all of it. I am such a pack rat. I work on it, but it is really hard!

That pretty bedspread is actually a handmade duvet cover that I got at a thrift store a couple of weeks ago for three bucks! I can't tell if the fabric is vintage or repro, but it is just darling!

I feel self-conscious putting out such a random and boring post, but I am going to try and just be at peace with it.  It is what it is!

Yard sale score from the summer. An old enamel license plate .The guy I bought it from said he dug it up in his yard! I loved it immediately for the rust and the blue, then the price sealed the deal- two bucks! Then I realized that it looks like my house number, 2506!  I think the second number on the plate actually was a 6, but it is so hard to make it out, I just pretend it was a 5.

Gorgeous rusty closeup.

Doesn't it look like a world map? I always think of the rusty part as an ocean, and the remaining enamel bits as continents.

 I am whipped from the yoga training weekend! I will share about it later in the week when I am less tired!

I am also a bit sleepy and relaxed from getting acupuncture this afternoon. If you are interested, you can read this  lovely article that was just in the local paper on the acupuncture clinic that I go to.

...too sleepy to write about anything....

....here, look at some stuff.... 

Embroidered napkins from an estate sale. 

And yet another tin:

Love this folk design with the pink.

This is what was in it originally:

Would you like to see my high tech photo studio?

Yep, it's white paper and a window.

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Brief sappy interlude: 

I just have to tell you how much I appreciate your comments and emails.
I am still working a full time job, you know.  When I check my email on my lunch break, and I get all your wonderful messages - it just makes my day.You really inspire me to share more and to be more creative.

If you haven't yet taken a moment to let me know you are reading, I really hope you will  sometime. I always follow the link to learn more about you. We are a community! It's so much more fun when I get can to know you as well as you getting to know me.

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One more thing from thrifting last week:

It's just a silly little thing, probably for putting around a candle. But I just loved the colors and sparkle, and the tiny glittery pinecones!

That crazy Thor. He is always in the middle of everything.

Isn't  it pretty?

This was left over once I removed all the little bunches:

And since I couldn't just let it sit there: 

Goodnight, friends. Thanks.